If you are like me you have dreamed and dreamed of the day you would become a mommy..... Well, let me tell you, it's nothing like you expected..... It's so much MORE!
Neil and I hadn't really been "trying" to get pregnant but we weren't preventing it either. We had the discussion about being ready to really try and then about 2 weeks later found out it was a good thing we had that talk. I was pregnant!! I hadn't really thought much about being late because I am not always right on time so I didn't think when I took that test I would see 2 little pink lines (I still have them.... Gross I know and to much info but I can't seemt o throw them away)! So many emotions at one time. Happiness, nervousness, scared, nauesous, and excited. I was a nervous wreck the whole time I was driving to tell Neil at work.
I remember that day so well! It was about 45 degrees and raining. It was about 10 am when I took the test. Then I drove to tell Neil. I said hi to the guys at the shop then asked to talk to Neil outside. I pulled out the test and asked him if he was ready to be a daddy?! The look on his face to me said everything I was feeling. LOL
Feeling the baby move for the first time is a feeling you never forget. It feels like little butterflies in your tummy at first and then the kicks start. Those are pretty amazing and sometimes they hurt a little. Then you get to find out the gender! That's a great experiance too because then the baby isn't just an "it" anymore. Finding out the gender (at least for me) made me feel closer to the her and helped me to become more comfortable with her.... And I could call her by her name!!!
Our pregnancy went pretty smooth. I had alot of "morning" sickness from about week 10 to about 16. Towards the end of the pregnancy Mackenzie was measuring bigger than her age so, we started to have NST's 2x a week until the last week of my pregnancy. Those went pretty good as well. Then, when I wasn't working I was to be on bedrest. That drove me nuts!!!
We were induced on July 5th at 8am. That day went pretty slow. Mom and Dad & Vickie and Mike had arrived that weekend so we all got to be together! Which was great to have that extra support and people to walk with me. Neil kept playing the jeopardy theme song while I walked so I was glad when he took a break. ;) That evening, the parents decided to go home and get some rest since there wasn't alot of progress. We had some visitors that evening. John and Jacqui came by and then Becky showed up around 11pm. I decided to take another walk with Becky when she got there. We made 2 laps I think and then my water broke! Let me tell you, that is a strange feeling that no one really explained to me. It was like a water balloon popped in my belly.
By 11:30 I had my epidural. Neil and Becky got to watch this.... Becky cried watching me get it. It wasn't really painful that I remember but I do remember having trouble breathing while I was bent over getting it.
This began a long, restless night. The nurse and doctor were in and out all night speeding up and slowing down my labor. I had to have a lot of fluid because Mackenzie's marconuim was in my water when it broke. Still not real eventful though.
The next morning our parents were there by 7 I think. Labor was still pretty slow moving but I had an awesome nurse who was in my room pretty much the entire time and kept us all in the know of what was going on. Finally, about lunchtime I was feeling the urge to push. And after 2.5 hrs of pushing, an episiotomy, the nurse on my bed pushing on my tummy and Mackenzie being vacuumed out she was born. But at 2:23 pm, July 6th, 2011 all of that didn't matter anymore! 7lbs 10 oz and 20 3/4" of PERFECT! Thanks to my coaches Neil, Mom, and Vickie I didn't give up. I was so glad that my mom and Vickie could be in the room with us. This was the 1st grandchild either got to see be born!
I couldn't wait to get my hands on her. She was so beautiful. She didn't even look like a newborn baby. One of the best feelings in the world was seeing Neil hold our baby girl for the 1st time. She was so tiny in his arms and he was a pro from the beginning! I fell in love with him all over again! Our family of 2 was now a family of 3 and I'm not going to lie...... It was terrifying initially!
How was I going to know what to do and what those cries mean? Wait.... what cries?! This baby was pretty amazing! She rarely cried and if she did she was easy to soothe! Actually, once she was born, it all came pretty naturally. Of course we both were extra cautious and nervous but it still came to us easy. Breastfeeding went pretty smoothly and we loved having her in the room with us.
I don't know if I can put into words how I feel about being a mom but here goes:
I am absolutely blessed to be the mom of this beautiful baby girl. She has and is bringing more joy to my life than I could have ever imagined possible. Every day she is the 1st thing I think about and every night the last thing I think about. I dream about the 1st time she tells me she loves me and even tear up just thinking about it. She shows me now everyday with that beautiful smile. I can be playing with her sometimes and I just could cry because I love her so much and she makes me sooooo happy. Or when she smiles and says momma I could just pinch those little cheeks off. She makes every day worth waking up, every day worth going to work so that I can provide for her, every late night crying and rocking session, worth doing. The feeling of her lying on my chest as she sleeps makes everything seem ok.... Nothing matters anymore. Being Mackenzie's mom has made me a better, stronger person. There is nothing she could ever do that would make me love her any less than I do.... Is it possible to love her more?! I think that I do everyday! That sweet little laugh she has melts my heart.
There is a quote about being a mom that I have always loved and Vickie had it put on one of my Maternity Photos:
Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would give my life for you!
Mommy loves you Mackenzie!!
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